Romance for Real Women

The connection between romance, real women and man-pleasing recipes is an old and acknowledged one.

With that in mind, I was browsing through my collection of cookbooks to pinpoint dishes that have what we can call “man appeal.” But, while I reviewing my old favorites, I thought rather than just providing a list of recipes, I’d develop a tips list. After all learning how to identify the successful man-pleasing recipe is the crucial first step to cooking them. So here is my list of “How to identify recipes than will please your man.”

Now, a word on sources. Do you remember that fabulous “White Trash Cooking” book by Ernest Matthew Mickler? It had recipes like “Rainbow Salad” where you chop the iceberg lettuce and then add tomato. After my friends stopped laughing, a number of them, especially the men, admitted they’d grown up on these recipes and loved them.

A few years ago, my partner found “A Treasury of Top Secret Recipes, the Complete Guide to re-creating American’s bestselling Brand-name Foods and Restaurant Recipes in Your Own Home.” He wrapped it up and gave it to me. Now, there was a clue.

Any Texas cookbook is a good source of man pleasing recipes because people in Texas eat beef. A little pork and chicken, yes. But mostly beef.

You do see where I going, don’t you?

Okay, let’s get down to the nitty gritty.

Tip One: Recipes that begin with “six cups of vegetable oil for frying” have the highest possible chance of pleasing your man. Real men love fried food. Earmark these recipes and return to them later.

Tip Two: Avoid recipes that begin with “three cups of sugar.” These are for you and your friends. Make them when he’s not at home. Real men do not care for an overabundance of sugar in their food. Earmark them for girls night out parties and such.

Tip Three: Let your eye wander down the list of ingredients called for in the recipe. If there are more than four for a week night dinner and more than six for a fancy meal, do not earmark. The exception is if the recipe lists “oil for frying” as an ingredient. And, I shouldn’t have to tell you that salt and pepper don’t count either.

Tip Four: Identify only those recipes that call for meat. Real men do not like fish. The exception to this rule is fried fish, which real men adore.

Tip Five: Be highly critical of amounts called for in potentially man-pleasing recipes. For example, if the recipe is “Steak for Two” or “Burgers for Two,” triple it.

Tip Six: Real men love casseroles. King Ranch Casserole calls for seven ingredients, an exception to the six ingredient rule. Casseroles with plenty of cheese and mushroom soup always have a high man-pleasing potential.

Tip Seven: Do not go hog wild on preparing appetizers for your man-pleasing meal. Real men eat appetizers and to them, the hardier, the better. The problem is that once they’ve eaten them, they aren’t quite as hungry for the meal you’ve so carefully prepared. Imagine his annoyance if after having eaten the Baby Backs before dinner, he is unable to finish his chicken friend chicken steak. Don’t chance this, dears. Give him a little bowl of Planters if dinner isn’t quite ready when he arrives.

Tip Eight: Do not anticipate high levels of postprandial activity. This isn’t a case of “I do for you, now you do me.” If he’s finished what you’ve given him, his heart won’t be in it. I guarantee it. Let him relax and watch the game…at least for a little while.

Tip Nine: Use some judgment. If your guy is young and healthy, chances are he’s not going to have a coronary. In other cases, if might be a good idea to keep the bottle of low dose Bayer aspirin close by. There’s no need to mention this to him. You’ll know you’re watching out for him.

Enjoy.