Romance for Real Women

The Fourth is coming up on Friday and it’s something to look forward to because real women love men who can grill. Men who grill are manly men. A man wearing an apron while tending a grill is masculine. A man wearing an apron in the kitchen is a wuss…unless of course he is a chief in which case he is a manly man.

There’s something about a man who wields a large spatula around a burning grill that causes that lovely atavistic frisson which can lead to still lovelier things later provided he also cleans the greasy grill pan.

One of my sister’s husbands liked to fish. He would bring home everything, including the tiniest, most inedible aquatic vertebrates. At that time, she was still interested in pleasing him, so she’d go into apparently genuine raptures about the most insignificant of catches. (He always took this excessive praise as his due which amazed me and was a part of the self importance that finally led Mary to give him the boot.)

It was only later that I understood she was experiencing the same thrill I experience when a man grills, that sort of primal connection to food and the feeding of loved ones.

Here then are my top five reasons to encourage your man to grill.

First, it gets him away from the television set. There is nothing more annoying than to be stuck in the kitchen while everyone else is watching TV. Grilling will get him onto the patio or porch where you can watch him and wave to him encouragingly while you’re stuck in the kitchen.

Second, it gets the kids away from the television. All kids love fires. This shouldn’t alarm you unless of course they begin to set them. A grilling fire will get them off their cell phones or ipods at least for a few minutes.

Third, he’ll drink less beer. This may not be entirely true.

Fourth, he’ll demonstrate his competence to the entire family. This is a good thing. Children and partners are all reassured when the man of the house demonstrates competence in tasks they’ve set for themselves. We tend to believe, rightly or wrongly, that this competence translates into other areas. It will be up to you of course to make sure the chicken is cooked through before it comes off the grill. This may lead to an argument. Be gentle, but firm.

Fifth and most important, you’ll enjoy that shared sense of accomplishment when the hot dogs and hamburgers come off the grill. You’ll glance at each other tenderly between mouthfuls of char grilled beef fat. And if some drips down your blouse, not to worry. You can always change into something pretty later on.

He’ll want you to.