Romance for Real Women

A friend and self-proclaimed real woman came over last night to vent about her partner’s inadequacies.

Normally, I automatically side with a woman. Women tend to understand each other. But this time, I confess, I just couldn’t see it. All her complaints focused on the minor, practical details of living together. He’d failed to take out the garbage, although it was his job. He’d failed to wash the dishes although it was his turn. He’d failed to put the toilet seat up, although she’d repeatedly insisted he remember to do it.

After listening to her for a couple of hours and drinking at least three glasses of wine, I began to realize something about my friend. She’s is the kind of woman who will never be pleased; who will never allow herself to be happy. And, if she finds someone who loves her, she’ll hammer at it until it’s gone.

Another friend did exactly that. She married a young, ambitious guy and she wanted everything he could give her: a big house, jewelry, an ample credit line and big cars. To get them for her, he had to work and work hard. As he began to move up the ranks in the big electronics company he worked for, he began to travel extensively to Asia and Europe.

That was the trade off. No travel, no big house, no credit cards, no jewelry.

But she wouldn’t uphold her end of the bargain. Every time he came home, she bitched and bitched and bitched. He didn’t take out the garbage. She had to deal with the kids alone (never mind that she had plenty of help). He wouldn’t do this; he wouldn’t do that. Her complaints were endless and so very, very minor.

He offered to move the family to Asia to reduce their time apart. But, she wasn’t having any of that. No sir. She had the big house in the suburbs and that’s where she was staying.

Finally, he started coming home less and less. She started spending more and more and at last exceeded their very comfortable means. When he took control of the finances, she hired a divorce lawyer as a tactic. He was served. And, he agreed to the divorce. She was stunned and devastated.

Last night, I told my friend this story. I’m not sure she understood my point, although she did sense some criticism where she thought she’d get unconditional support. But I know her guy. I know he’s a sweet, hardworking fellow who’d do anything for her, although I guess he did forget to take out the garbage and put down the toilet seat.

Don’t misunderstand me. I’m as willing as the next person to go to the mat on important issues. Forgetting to pick up the kids, for example. Now that, I’ll tussle about. But this stuff, no.

I suspect this relationship is going to fail soon. I also suspect my friend is going to be devastated. She’s never going to see it coming.

Real women love weddings. Even the most cynical among us forget our own disappointments and empathsize, however briefly, with hope, joy and love symbolized by the wedding ceremony. And, I would suggest men feel exactly the same way, even if they don’t bring a handkerchief, just in case.

Weddings make us feel good.

So, I think it’s an appropriate question to ask why President Bush and his family are refusing to let any of us share in the pleasure of his daughter’s wedding.

Yes, I know, reportedly Jena doesn’t like the press. And, after all, it’s her day. She’s going to do it her way.

Nuts to that.

Whatever your political persuasion and I’m not going to tell you mine, the president asked the country to share in the grief and sorrow of a difficult and protracted war. Households are feeling the pinch of high food prices occasioned at least in part by ethanol mandates he signed off on. High gas prices and the mortgage crisis, while not really his fault, are further squeezing all of us. And, the country is suffering through a long and unpleasant political season.

So why on earth is the Bush family refusing to share even the most banal detail about the wedding? They’re having fun. Why can’t we share in just a little of it? I know it’d take my mind off the cost of a dozen eggs.

You’d think someone in the White House could figure this out.

Again, whatever your political persuasion, you’d probably admit that the Bush’s are a close and loving family. In the few comments she’s made about Jena’s wedding, Laura seems genuinely delighted. So does the President.

So why aren’t we permitted even a moment’s inclusion in the family’s happiness?

I can understand why Jena didn’t want a White House wedding. Really. The pomp and circumstance would be off putting to someone who hasn’t sought and isn’t comfortable in that kind of fishbowl.

But who would it have hurt if the White House had released, say, the menu for tonight’s dinner party? Maybe a picture of the wedding cake? Is that asking too much?

The White House had no problem embedding dozens of reporters with the troops in order to cover Operation Shock and Awe.

So why can they embed just one reporter, a friendly, to dribble out details during Operation Happiness?

It’s like they’re thumbing their noses at us.

I would go so far as to say I understand that with the President’s approval ratings in the twenties, lower than any president’s since polling began, a certain bunker mentality might prevail over at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Although it’s too late now, I’d tell them to get over it. To bring themselves to raise the curtain just a few inches on their happiness. To include the country in an event we can all enjoy and support.

But, the wedding is tonight and we’re not invited.

Stupid.