Romance for Real Women

OK. Some real women might consider this carping. But it’s legitimate carping, that is to say, carping with a point of view.

Today, I visited People Magazine’s site for 2007’s Sexiest Men Alive. Apparently, the 2008 list will appear this fall.

I confess I was prompted by nothing more than idle curiosity and a fortuitously timed coffee break. But once there, I went through all the photos and accompanying bios which are laced with quotes from the sexiest men alive.

At first, I was chagrined by the number of sexiest men alive I don’t regard as sexy. Worse, by the number of sexiest men alive I didn’t recognize. I mean, Dave Annable is cute, but am I the only real woman in the universe who doesn’t know who he is? My daughter, who is a real woman in training, might know him, but I don’t.

But after I’d been through the entire list, looking at the gorgeous pictures and reading the scant copy accompanying them, I was struck more by what they said than how they looked.

Will Smith says “Either I’m going to be with [wife] Jada,or I’m going to be dead.” Real women will be interested to know that Will Smith is still proclaiming his love for Jada in an article in this week’s edition of People, a full six months after publication of The Sexiest Men Alive. This is evidently a popular topic for People’s editors.

Shemar Moore who stars on Criminal Minds, a show I like, says of being sexy: “A fresh haircut is so important. I wear my hair so low. Freshly faded. A nice tan in my back yard so I can get that bronze, brown-sugar glow, a vintage pair of jeans and white button down shirt with a couple of buttons open. A chrome chain. Pair of sneakers.”

I’m speechless.

Ben Affleck, who in addition to being one of the sexiest men alive is a writer and should know better, says of his daughter: “All I want to do is go home, just to be around her again.”

Nonsense. Real women and real men love their children, but there are occasions when we have to be dragged home, kicking and screaming. We are not sentimental about changing diapers, giving baths and coaxing unruly children to bed. In fact, Affleck’s quote suggests to me that he doesn’t do it often.

Adrian Greiner, another actor I didn’t recognize, said in response to what was obviously a direct question: “My sexiest night was a night spent with a beautiful woman I loved in a Super 8 motel after a wedding.” he says.

Huh? A Super 8 Motel?

Brad Pitt didn’t comment while Patrick Dempsey says the reason he’s stayed with his wife Jillian for eight years is because of her eyes. “They’re warm, sparkly eyes,” he says.

These guys have access to publicists and script writers. They know newspaper reporters, bloggers and paparazzi. In Affleck’s case, he is a writer. All of them have read movie and television scripts.
Surely, surely, they could have tapped into one of these resources for a quote that would rise above the level of total drivel. It can’t be any harder than say, finding the right chrome chain.

Maybe not. Maybe the best advice for real women is look, but don’t listen.